meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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