I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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