He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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