hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
