well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
