just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
