haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
