is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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