I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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