He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
