i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
