You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He? As in you personified your dick?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
