I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
