too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize