He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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