I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize