I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
