Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
