remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
