i think my tv is drunk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
