Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
