I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
