You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
