i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
