I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
