I seem to have left my pride at pride
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
