I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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