absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
