Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
