My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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