he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
