There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
