I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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