What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
