I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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