I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
