It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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