dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
