everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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