my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
