This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to sanitize my soul.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
