And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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