Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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