Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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