$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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