I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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