Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
