and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
