sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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