Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
