My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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