Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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