We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
