Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
