You're so nebulous sometimes
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
