i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
