just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
