Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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