God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have fence marks all over my body
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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