bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
