Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
