tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.