When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
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trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death