haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?