So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager