I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
