I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Intervention is following me on twitter.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.