i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
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It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable