went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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