OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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