my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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