Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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