I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I could fuck to npr.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
