Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
